on 11/10/09 all of eddie izzard’s stand-up films become insta-play on netflix.
- Robin Hood: Give us cash! I steal from the rich and give to the poor--I’m trying to be a myth! Give us cash!
- Passerby: No, I’m not gonna give you cash.
- Robin Hood: Go on, I steal from the rich. Are you rich?
- Passerby: No, I’m… comfortable.
- Robin Hood: That’s no good! I can't steal from the fairly well off and give to the moderately impoverished! That’s not gonna swing, is it?
“Beekeepers, as well! Beekeepers, yes… They’ve gotta want to be, ‘I want to be a beekeeper! I wanna keep bees! Don’t want them to get away—I wanna keep them! They have too much freedom! I want bees on elastic, so when they get pollen, they come back here!
“‘My father was a beekeeper before me, his father was a beekeeper before him; I wanna walk in their footsteps. And their footsteps were like this…’ (runs away screaming ) ‘I’m covered in bees! Aah! Covered in bees!’”” —Eddie Izzard, Glorious
Before puberty, at school, I didn’t tell kids I was a transvestite ‘cause I thought they might kill me with sticks, you know?
‘He said a word we didn’t understand! And he won at Scrabble with it!’” —Eddie Izzard, Dress to Kill
- World: Come on, Europe, give these countries back. Come on, we just had a bloody war; let's give 'em back. Britain?
- Britain: Wha'?
- World: What's that behind your back?
- Britain: Oh, it's India and a number of other countries.
- World: Give 'em back.
- Britain: Oh, all right. There's that one there, and there's that one…
- World: Falkland Islands?
- Britain: Oh, we need the Falkland Islands... for strategic sheep purposes!