dress to kill.

Prince Philip, he’s a cad! Has a habit of saying things like, ‘You’re all a bunch of bastards! Was that bad? I don’t know what’s going on…’ It tumbled out! I expect him to go on one of these big ceremonial visits, with a bit of tape on… (mimes having mouth taped shut)

In 1986, I think it was, China, a bunch of British students there, and they went up, and he said, ‘Don’t stay here too long, you’ll become slitty-eyed!’ Off the map, isn’t he? It’s just… even as a joke, it’s just so stupid! Like no one was gonna mention it! Oh, what the fuck?! It’s like some ambassador turning up and saying, ‘You’re all fuckers! Why don’t you all piss off? Your problem is you’re all foreigners! Bye! …Did it go well, you think? What phrase in particular?’

[W]e have that line, where if you’re talking to someone, getting on well, you can say that great line, ‘Do you want a cup of coffee?’ And if they go, ‘Ah… yeah, okay,’ then sex is on, yeah? That’s the unwritten rule. Doesn’t always work. If the President of Burundi says, ‘Would you like a cup of coffee,’ you’re not supposed to go, ‘Oh, I’m in here!’

‘And how do you take it?’

‘Anyway I can find it big boy! Oh, just a cup of coffee? All right… I thought you meant “Do you want a cup of coffee!” So you’re from Burundi, are you? Fantastic! Yeah! No, I know, it’s near Zaire, isn’t it? Near Tanzania, yeah. Yeah. No, I learned them all when I had chicken pox. I have to go now, ‘cause my grandmother’s on fire…’